running in paradise...

honeyeater heaven

(why? because.)
met up with michelle this morn to head up honeyeater - oh my, it was at its brilliant best for us - despite a little overgrown at the beginning, we were privvy to the most beautiful sun coming through the overhead canopy with the mist in the air, creating just a magic about it ... why does everyone not want to witness this early in the morning!?!
a beautiful start ... and nice to catch up of course too...

this is the MAINTAINED trail?! - yeah, really!

a GREAT easter run today ...
discovered the great walk was re-opened on the 21st .. so decided to head in and do it :)
the goal? to run under four hours ...

went to the gym, did pump and balance first, lined up with kerrin to give me a lift back to pick up my car at brandy creek after i had completed it in the afternoon, then, headed home to spend a little time with storm before she went to work ...

sushi? woah!

the surprise arrival of tobias for easter has made my week!
storm has known for three weeks the little rascal.
she was only getting one day off for easter, *today*, yesterday i asked her could we go to mackay to see him, she said she has just spent the last twelve days working and wanted to spend her 'one day off' relaxing, not travelling to mackay - so unusual cos she always takes every chance to go see him.

up early to get a run in before heading to the airport.
ran with bernie along 'the bay' ... its always interesting to see other peoples 'regular runs' and having the opportunity to be a part of them.. i remember doing rays back in december after c2k and his 'bay' was a different one :D
this morning, it was great to witness night turning to day as we ran along the coastline
bd was gonna join us on his bike but stayed in bed instead when the cold dark morning greeted us :D haha. SOFT!! :P

oh what a day!
glorious glorious glorious - beginning to end! after a couple of days of cold rain, even the weather was simply perfect

headed with kerrin and kylah to breakfast, we got a little lost along the way, reward though - the yummiest fruit salad ...

this final day came quickly ...
with the past few being so hectic i tried to take the time to actually relax a little more and absorb the absolute buzz of it all. finality.
no physical sessions today, so quite a brain burn - will make up for it tomorrow somehow!
my lack of running and/or exercise has been duly noted, commented upon and questioned :) haha! more than once. :D
i have no answer to that, i have been rather lazy i guess compared to normal, though to be fair, i HAVE had a couple of tough physical sessions so i haven't been completely idle ...
but, re my lack of exercise regime .... i have found the whole experience exhausting, specially from a 'being around people' pov, also. there are no 'time out' moments, no *my own space* moments ... it's just rush go rush go rush
not being able to sleep early so therefore not getting up as early as the others did, hasn't helped from a time management side ... its simply up, throw some grapes into my mouth, and off to the first session, just making it! besides, if it is such an issue, someone could have woken me and said oi, up lazybum and run!!!!!! :P~~

misty tripoli - loved the vitality!

another fantastic day ...

PT breakfast <- wow, what a mixup! it was on my schedule they sent me. all good. paid for. done and dusted. then. it wasn't!!?!! i questioned it yesterday and got nowhere, they had booked me into a session i had no interest in, so, rather than enter into an argument when i was feeling so happy, i simply changed instead, to head to one of misty's 'groove' workshops. she inspired me more yesterday than michelle bridges ever has anyway.
OMG!!!!!!! that was the craziest, weirdest hour and a half of exercise i have done in the last five years of exercising!

with misty tripoli - WOW! gorgeous (odd) woman!

adrenalin pumped! :) it's been a blast so far.
hilarious keynote opening, two great sessions, one dud of a session, a FANTASTIC kickboxing workshop (oh i will be OUCH and bruised tomorrow) glorious fun, delicious lunch with sara (albeit quick), a rapid look around at the fitness convention stands, a beer (haha fitness convention?!) and a wine! lovely dinner out, and sooooooooooo NOT sleepy right now, everyone else already snoring away ... :D yay for beautiful days! albeit. hectic, as all hell

a great day :D
had a wonderful morning at the gym, great people, a few enquiries, and just on an adrenalin buzz anyway, ready to head off ... plane trip. was a plane trip! ugh! prossy to brissy not so bad, other than, crammed into a plane is noones idea of fun and tough on my back, but brisbane to sydney was worse. squashed between a guy who i dont think had showered in months, and had sprayed himself, possibly in an attempt to conceal the fact he hadnt showered in months, in a throat choking, eye watering deodorant, and to my right, a large lady who's body rolled into my seat as well ... was grateful to arrive and get off the plane.

only a day until filex starts ... :D just been and dropped kerrin off at the airport and now, it is very real! anticipation, much!?! her excitement as leaving, fuelled a little extra i think cos she is the ONLY passenger on the plane (how cool!), has fed me!

finish at prossy gym early afternoon and head straight to the airport, sydney bound, where by then, everyone else will have arrived, be settled in, and have a day of seminars already under their belts :)

a great run this morning with christie and fred out at the airport again, with paul and his family joining us for the second time through ... 20kms, but... unfortunately. road \o/ it creates a real mind f*** for me seeing just an endless piece of tar that goes forever as opposed to trails that are just ever changing and beautiful ... guess thats a different sort of training to conquer :)
tried to run based on my heart rate, keeping it at a rate i would do the 100km at - couldnt, was between 80 and 90% pretty much the whole time. and can't keep that pace up over 100kms. hmmm

with only 4 weeks till northface i am struggling to find an appropriate place to do some distance trail training - i really wish the great walk would re-open... every time i ask someone about it the date changes, or is 'unknown' ... kingfisher is now difficult to get to, honeyeater just ... difficult :)

well oprah came and went and disappointed in the gift giving department, so finally ... after a few months of pouting, headed out today and got a new phone ...
must say. they get smaller and smaller. or my fingers are just too fat to use the keys properly! but. it's cute as a button! and LOVE the orange!
may it last until i can replace my old one - november they tell me! onya optus. love talking to the people in india to try and sort out the problems of connectivity in our little world so very far away

love freely

"If I want to be loved as I am, then I need to be willing to love others as they are." - Louise L. Hay

now i have seen it all! an alarm clock, to encourage 'activity' ... we have the answers to the worldwide weight problem! :D

Shape Up Dumbbell Alarm Clock - won't shut off until you do 30 bicep curls!

well, considering the bicep track in pump class is my least favourite - ( love when we don't do it :D oh i have such WEAK biceps!) - maybe i should invest in this little gadget :) and i will have strong bulging biceps before i know it! unfortunately, i dont use an alarm clock, otherwise... hmmmmmmmmm it's just sooo tempting eh!
i can only imagine it's annoyance when you go from beautiful dreams to arm bending, to turn off some wretched screeching noise! haha

8 kilos - 51 bananas!! how much?!!? :D damn, surprising!

i found a new love today, market banana man ...

went late to the markets, 11am ... normally there much earlier but - up at 5, did a 25km run - centro return, had a quick brekky break as i ran back past home cos i was starving then out to mandalay and return ... back home, showered, lay down to stretch my back out, and promptly fell asleep for an hour - ha!
woken by storm getting ready for work (OI, poke poke prod prod, weren't you going out running this morning?!) or i probably would have slept even longer - egads - shockingly realising the time, i raced down to the markets thinking i was too late, and banana prices are ridiculous in the supermarkets ...

working with the black dog institute at the moment has been a real eye opener into the world of depression beyond anything i have ever understood about myself ... i always thought i had a good grip on the workings of the brain and the whirlwind it can become, the self destruction it can create - within my own world
extensive surveys have created a rating that measure the effectiveness of certain strategies in treating depression - the results demonstrate some interesting trends which mirror my own experiences - of the 16 listed - nine are effective for me to varying degrees ....

the time - is already slipping by. one week blends into the next this year. and i find myself now, with only nine weeks left to train for northface.
still wishing i had a trainer... because i need that support and expertise on getting the balance AND the training, right ... i don't know my time i have set myself is realisitic anymore but this past week has been an awesome training week. some good running. some great trails. some good strength workouts. and a handful of classes at the gym. need to figure how to push myself a little more and get 'agility' incorporated into it all though ...

6 foot track ultra was on this morning, so wish i was there for it ... it takes in a component of northface which is great as a pre race training run! a testing of the waters ... at least i got to run it back in october :)

feeling VERY happy

The Workout of the Day for March 7th . . . starts with an "R" and ends with a "T" . . . love crossfit wod's :) :) :) these resting ones! however. it just means i didnt do a crossfit today. everything else remains to plan, it has to .... 10 weeks until northface - darn it will fly as always

woke at 5 to torrential rain, had planned on going to outdoor fitness, lay listening to it and so wanted to stay in bed remaining dry - coming up with every excuse of why it wouldnt be on - but, rain hail or shine - of course it was gonna be. eventually figured - GO :)
and so glad i did - what a GREAT session

hmmmmmmmmm. it is time to start thinking northface. well, past time actually .... only 10 weeks away ....

time to find a trainer. to develop a proper training program again. and to start looking at what i do so it is more relevant, more training specific ..
build up all that michelle used to teach me - speed, agility, power and strength - the goal is to run it under 20 hours - well, preferably even quicker, but, under 20 hours earns a bronze buckle.
'agility' thats what i miss most, and what i arent getting the most ... plus. the push. the motivation. the accountability. nearly six months later, and im still just 'plodding' along, doing whatever i feel like exercise wise, too many classes, day in day out ... BLEH :P~~ much to consider. and it has to get to the TOP of my to do list ....

but... can NOT wait until race day!!!! how exciting - plus lisa tamati is going to be competing this year, OMG that is as cool as dean - w00t!

mt whitsunday eeeeeek

spent the morning writing, headed to the market, then a 'push it hard' run to the gym up over the hills - arrived just as kerrin was heading out to watch the rugby dudes run up mt whitsunday. i had forgotten that was on and was a ball of melted sweat already. went and had a quick wash off then went with her to give them support.
we couldn't see any cars or people when we got there but we were a little late. we started driving up. HA! what a friggin mother of a hill. the car huffed and puffed - i think i can i think i can ... couldn't stop laughing! told her id hop out and push! mostly though, cos i DID want to hop out! it felt like we were gonna flip backwards any moment!! haha

left to right top row pumpkin, banana stash, pumpkin
left to right bottom row watermelon, watermelon
absent from photo watermelon, half in fridge half in stomach!!

yum yum YUM
well after yesterdays watermelon steal in coles, market banana man this morning, (after last week telling me he would do me a deal cos of the amount i buy!) sold me bananas for $3 a kilo! WOAH! for buying 5kilos or more ... those bananas pictured in the photo, would have cost me $45 in the supermarket at yesterdays price!!

owl, you were right! :D

never slept last night, storm was out till 1, so stayed up waiting for her, then she phones - AT 1am! - to ask can she stay over a friends! ha! cant say i was impressed :) i could have had an early night. tried to sleep but couldnt. was getting up at 5 to head to prossy gym, my go to bed goal of last night ... so got back up and did some writing. sometimes, the best comes in the wee hours of the morn anyways.
went to the gym - did combat - even felt the gloom lifting!

You never work out and regret it. You never go for a run and when you are done say "I wish I would have just stayed home". You never climb a mountain, get to the top and say "I should have just been content to stay where I was". - JUST DO IT

i would like to say today was better than the past week. in a sense. it was.
i wrote about 5,000 words! that's about. oh. 5,000 more than ive written ALL week! and for the most part, it flowed. i never let my brain stop constructing concepts or my bum move from the flattenmybroadass position of a computer chair...

sometimes a low hits me by surprise ... ok. not true. i get signs along the way. things that happen. mostly, what would appear to others as small trivial things, but are big mountains to me, things i always think i have conquered and can deal with, to discover - i havent, and i cant.

one after another that create a rebound effect until my brain simply implodes and i feel like im drowning. trying to keep my head above the waterline.

many. wish of course, i simply drowned. and the quicker the better.

love the crossfit WOD today ... not sure how to tackle it yet, difficult
"The workout of the day for Feb 23rd is - 3 rounds for time - 10 minute nap, 15 minutes of light stretching, 20 minute massage. Enjoy your rest day!"
figure it might take me longer than 45minutes to do that one (oh by 3!!) now just to find a masseuse ... :)

however. despite nothing 'crossfit' to complete - i have already run 10k (with gorgeous rain!), done boxing with tanya, then a step class.

birthdays, my own, or moreso, birthdays of those that are close to me, are not very good days within my year .... i never celebrate mine, i never celebrate anyones elses, i never see the person whose birthday it is, on their 'day' and i can never give good wishes to them, (but deep inside, i AM hoping they have magical days!).... reasons why, are unnecessary for anyone else to ever know, but i usually spend them hidden away at home, away from contact with anyone - obviously that creates such a stress, it certainly requires a great deal of pre thought and angst in the preceding days and in the aftermath.. a lot of turmoil that i have to clean up and make up for, that can take ~~days~~ weeks! ...
i DO give lots of gifts though, throughout the year. people never lack because of my shortcomings. sporadic. noone ever knows when something will be given from me. i call them, beautiful day gifts. they don't come on peoples 'birth'days,. they come, any day during the year i find something i like, for someone i care about, and - i purchase it, wrap it, and surprise them with it ... isn't that more wonderful anyway? giving, because i want to, not because it is a societal expectation!? i certainly think it is. i dont accept gifts on my 'birthday' (i dont make things easy for people :/ ) but, i too, LOVE to receive 'beautiful day' gifts ....

went for bootcamp this morning - couldnt find the group! :/ ... found many others training away, but couldn't find 'the park' the one i was heading to was in, so many people around, ran from one park to the other, then half a dozen 'asks' later - found, *mine* - at 2 minutes AFTER 6 - not a soul in sight .... it was raining so wondered if maybe they don't meet if it rains - i doubt it though. obviously i had just missed them, and they must run to different places and use that maybe simply as a meeting point mayhaps. bummer

bootcamp at burleigh ... 27 people! running along the beach to the headland ... then. lunges uphill! backward running uphill! sprinting! all with weights. STEEP hill. man. invigoratingly TOUGH!
gorgeous beach, plenty of sunshine! could there be a BETTER way to start a day!?!! w00t!

rainy burleigh heads

5am - a 10k run ... up to burleigh headlands then back through to miami, along the beach

glorious - it rained - of course it did :) but so many people about - running, walking, surfing, bike riding - HUNDREDS - wow a different lifestyle down here, or the bigger population obviously, but felt so good being amongst so many, so early, most all in their own worlds...
a BEAUTIFUL start to the day... next? ... dreamworld! here we come!

rocky road to rocky

luxury - it is not!

plans for an early start on the road had to be delayed when storm had to go to the first day of tafe despite her holidays beginning yesterday - so no problems, simply an adjustment and throwing plan b into action, the main concern of course, was island times getting done to deadline -:)

i didnt do any scheduled xfit training classes this week :/

however. i have not been idle in doing the training of it, nor in learning as much as i can about it all, the benefits, the levels, the philosophy behind it, etc.
reading as much material as i can find
crossfit training - shorter sessions, high intensity, challenging, i enjoy it - they have such a different mentality to what is 'fitness'. the workouts are simply a combination of so many elements. and, when they are completed. there is nothing left in the tank! that IS, an amazing feeling... a huge adrenalin high

a month till cradle

"The body is a SIMPLE instrument...
If you misuse it you have no other place to LIVE" ~ Dr. L. Afrika

vicki, jan, me and kerrin on the way to shute harbour

well. a week into the new year already.
for me, it's been a great one, ... have been just in 'happy mode' which is a wonderful feeling to hold onto for so long, and, training - good. not excellent though.
only a month till cradle now. i havent done any trails and i havent done any 'long runs' in a while - so i feel kind of disappointed in that of myself. so therefore a little underprepared for cradle to be honest - and not sure why my enthusiasm has drained out of me for it - this time last year i was SO excited about going and being ready for it consumed my every thought ...

i HAVE run consistently every single day though, which was a goal of the year and have reached a total of 75kms for the week, that includes however the 10k new years walk, which of course, wasnt running but i included it in the total (eeeek?) - well, it was a BRISK walk keeping up with VERY fit people all of whom have incredibly long strides compared to mine! :D - 3575 to go for the year :P :)

the weeks training - many classes not on at the gym for this holiday week, so maybe a little less than what i normally do ...

grav·i·ty [grav-i-tee]–noun
the force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the centre of the earth

they're not kidding ! :)

today i just wanted to cry :)
i guess i could blame fatigue. over the past couple weeks ive been running a minimum of 10kms every day, ive been doing lots of classes, lots of plyometric sessions, and lots of the daily xfit WOD's ...
but i was simply doing toe taps on a bench. 50 seconds of the easiest of the exercises of the toughest workout we were currently doing in xfit - right near the end of the 50 seconds, my left leg goes up, and what goes up is spose to come back down, right. it didnt. my right leg goes up. my left leg stayed in place - can humans balance with no feet on the ground? no point of contact? NOPE!!!! apparently NOT! haha
i fell back, hard and flat onto the concrete. on my tail bone, of which, is mostly nonexistent in my fused backbone. it knocked the wind out of me. i lay back against the wall. i wanted to burst into tears. everything hurt. and my legs were like jelly.

some great articles to read here on this guys website - newly discovered, wish i had long ago - on weight loss and nutrition ... - but be warned.
they are straight to the point, and this dude does not care about offending anyone. words we MUST hear. this guy also delves into many other areas of life too, which are all great and easy reads. - change yourself, in a positive way, today.
hard work? yes. change always is. worth it? YES!!!

i loved every moment of this new years beginnings and it couldnt have gone more perfectly...

new years eve we all made delectable vegetarian delights and took up residence across from capers - sooooooooooooooooooo much food, mark and vicki brought everything but the kitchen sink and we therefore had the most loveliest of decorated tables complete with star lights and all, bling. we all must have thought we had invited a whole army along, gosh. so much to eat and choose from, but, all vegetarian. no decisions to make. i could eat what i wanted with like minded foodies and not have to question :) that felt like such a relief ....

why dont we 'hear'

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered " Nelson Mandela

i have had contact with a lovely couple from my past ... roslyn and jim. it is funny how much memory can come flooding back - all the help they gave me, all they tried to teach me. it is odd how, many people can teach us 'lessons' in life - but it isnt until we are personally ready that we actually 'hear' ... sometimes, it takes a journey of people telling you the same things before you listen ... THAT. was me. that. is me.

many moons ago - i was obese - i would turn up at work, grunt hello to people, because i feared talking to them and actually making a 'connection'. sit at my desk and - work. i would go home (via kentucky) sit down at my computer and - work. bed. then repeat the routine the next day.

one day, that routine was broken.

what IS one, exactly?
fitness (fĭt'nĭs) n.
The state or condition of being physically sound and healthy, especially as the result of exercise and proper nutrition.
A state of general mental and physical well-being.
The state of being suitably adapted to an environment.
fanatic: [fuh-nat-ik] n.
a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal
fanatical: [fuh-nat-i-kuhl]
surpassing what is normal or accepted in enthusiasm for or belief in something; excessively or unusually dedicated or devoted

i have recently been referred to as being a 'fitness fanatic' - actually, to be honest, not the first time, however, i just felt this time it was used in such a negative way, like its a huge weakness in my character...
am i one? i have never considered myself as such ... 'extreme' 'excessively or unusually dedicated'? i personally, do did not think so.
i believe i now care about my health, greatly, yes. to ward off obesity the answer is simple: we should eat less and exercise more... when you have spent the majority of your life fat, grossly FAT - ok, let's call a spade a spade, grossly OBESE - then manage to successfully lose most of the weight, perhaps you are more prone to worry about it piling on again? i dont have any particular answer to that. just saying.

a peek into my wardrobe discovers it filled with mostly gym clothes - hanger upon hanger - throw in a handful of singlets, some shorts, a couple of pairs of jeans and a couple of rarely worn dresses! thats it complete - i arent sure what this actually says about me - i dont have much of a life? :)
the shoe cupboard? i have three pairs of regular normal everyday shoes - yet, 17 pairs of joggers - all at varying stages of disrepair - trail running shoes, road running shoes, crosstraining shoes...
my gym gear -14 tops, 7 9 pairs of shorts. seems a lot. yet. what do i wear? the same three tops, rotating. the same two pairs of shorts - both of them, identical. shoes - i wear the same two pairs - one for when i run trails, one pair for when i go to the gym. i do tons of barefoot stuff so at least this one is a little more comprehendable.

there is of course fat day gym gear - thats the stuff i wear regularly. versus the skinny day gym wear which will probably never see the light of day! :)

from the cr forums
3650km in 365 days, a challenge for the "average" runner
I thought I would kick this off following on from Stacey Toby's 750km in 75 days thread. I admired her spunk and intent to choose a goal somewhere near the edge of her ability, put it out there on a public forum, and have a crack.
So in the same spirit, starting New Years Day and continuing throughout 2011, can you average 10km of running per day?
I know there are plenty of ultra nuts who could knock this out in the year, but it isn't intended for those of us who frequent the darkside. We have more than enough goals to motivate us to keep up our mileages, and it wouldn't be too much of a challenge for any ultra runner competing regularly.
Actually, I reckon if you run more than one event of 100km or longer in 2011, you are inelligible. Go find a bigger sandpit in which to play. This is more for the marathoners, half enthusiasts and fun runners.
So who is in? Paul Every

towards a perfect 2011

“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” Colin Raye

so, i am currently lazing around at a friends and he has challenged me to come up with my goals for a 'picture perfect 2011' - what would i want from my year ahead? how do i wish it will have looked, once i am at its end ... taking time to think about 2010… what are some areas i would like to improve? what are some things i wanted in 2010 that i wasn’t able to do or achieve?
it isnt something that is actually as easy as it sounds, when i look back at it, i had a really great 2010, overall - sure, i would definitely like to change my 'down days' to less, thats for certain, but hey, they ARE what make me 'me' - and i wouldnt change that. i like the person i am. i like the person i have become. and i am proud of all i have achieved under the circumstances of 'my life' ...

so - my 'picture perfect 2011'

10 weeks results ...
there is 8.3kgs of less 'me', in ten weeks! have not had measurements since before going away but the total then was 18.7cm loss - so, i am satisifed with those two figures as my 'finalities' ... i guess i have no measure of my fitness levels as being improved or not though, other than, i do feel stronger - thats the downside of not doing it as a group nor of having a trainer - albeit not by choice.

she arrived, hopped out of the black car in her sunburnt orange dress. a larger woman than i expected - but simply majestic. there really is no other word. i admit it. a proud figure.
i wish, i had been a fan, for while it was great to be there, i didnt seem to have that buzz of others - but it was interesting to witness and be a part of. a social experiment of sorts.

carmen and i had a great night the night before. after the c2k and then spending a night with her catching up, that would have been enough. simply chance took me to an oprah finale of my time away.
so maybe i was simply too tired to take in the full atmosphere or excitement of it all... but. it WAS a show. definitely. very staged.

"On Saturday we left Ray resting in Jindabyne and Ann and I shared a trip up to the Summit. What a woman she is - so strong, so kind, so generous - just an awesome co-crewer." Sue

sue ... thank you, thats just so lovely for you to say. x

words cannot sum up our time there, nor that summit journey of ours, (well besides with the singular word freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing for the latter!) emotional for us i guess cos yes, we had expected to do the summit with ray in tow - but i am so glad we still got the chance to head to the top - we did it differently than expected, but i know ray was really pleased we went and had the opportunity to experience the top of australia...

occasionally in life there are events that happen, that are so overwhelmingly amazing, they can't be described succinctly ... i have arrived home finding myself in that position, how do you explain a c2k experience to someone who wasn't there? - how to put into words, all the magic of the experience ...

c2k was not what i expected. yet. everything i expected.

like with any ultra, the best of plans get left by the wayside and you find yourself having to improvise along the way, change tactics, remove preconceived ideas of how it will all pan out, and you learn to do some incredible things you would never have thought possible - quickly... when the race is not 'yours' but your role is to get a single runner to the finish line, it takes on a whole different scenario, a selflessness - that you take on with such gusto, you surprise even yourself the energy it takes, and that you find you have an abundance of. the focus is simply on making such a relentless feat as easy as possible for them.

well i cannot be more pleased ... :D

starting the same time as the gym challengers - so 7 weeks, 3 days ago - the final results are a little earlier than 8 weeks (hey every day counts!) ... however, as i am heading away this evening, michelle did my measurements this morning after bike
i have lost 6.6kg, and .... 18.7cms!!
w00t friggin w00t! i have struggled to reach a 10kg goal loss, though i still have another couple of weeks, my 'personal challenge' i set as 10 weeks long!!
whilst my alcohol intake leaves a lot to be desired recently, specially the past weekend :) eeek - i HAVE worked hard for those current results! positive results, CAN only ever happen that way!

there comes a time in your life
when you stop trying to escape
from your childhood

and you try to get back
what you had to give up
to make your escape.

Jonathan Harris

child abuse can take many forms. the result, of any though, is residual, into adulthood. that is a mute point. child abuse - action, behaviours or inaction by an adult towards a child or young person that harms or endangers the child's: physical, psychological or emotional health, development or wellbeing...

a depressed person - ISN'T attention seeking.
a depressed person is in terrible and unceasing emotional pain, and the impossibility of sharing or articulating the pain is itself a component of the pain and a contributing factor in its essential horror.
usually, where we sit in the depths of our self despair, the pit is so deep, the place so dark, we avoid others, specially 'close' others, more than 'seek them out' ... in fact. the deeper the pit, the less likely we are for anyone to discover us at that place - the complete opposite, of 'wanting attention'

life, becomes overwhelming. everyday tasks, impossible. sometimes, continuing to breathe, is the best we can expect from ourselves

this can become very frustrating for friends or family who have never been in that place to understand, a simple 'get over it' or 'snap out of it' appears to be the solution and they can't understand why we simply dont...

what a fresh & thoughtful idea!

a more laid back day yesterday .. travelled up to innisfail, just to say we 'had' ...now theres a reason to travel somewhere! was going to go to the castle thing there & air walk but it was raining so much decided what we would get out of it under the circumstances wasnt worth the cost

we passed a kentucky for the millionth time, i didnt realise they were so rampant, they breed better than rabbits - storm wanted some for lunch - i dont think i have stepped foot inside a kfc in five years! yet it used to be my biggest vice - every single day after work it would be my 'reward' for getting though the stress of work ... yeah, really. it wasnt dinner - it was simply i 'earned' it cos i put up with s*** , dinner still always came later on - how i have grown - ha, or not grown!!

im bringing sexy back! :P

throughout our life, we have but a handful of days that i think we would like to keep repeating ... today, for me, was certainly, a groundhog day! :)
loved EVERY awesome moment of rain, of life, of adventure...
we were making it a technology free day. no phones. no tv. no electricity :) yay!

a sleep in, a lazy breakfast overlooking the beach, a bubble bath - opulent beginning ...

then off we headed to get the water taxi to dunk island - it rained. we watched dunk island disappear in cloud and then it rained more. then more. then more. then, the taxi, spookily appeared out of the mist, and in the rain, they tried to get the mobile dock set up so we could all (well, four of us) hop on board ... not too many heading over today :) given it is midweek, also another reason.

well, after a couple of very loooong and late nights with the ses helping out at schoolies, storm and i hit the road to mission beach! w00t! bright and early, with a leisurely. girly road trip intended ...
capers get a lot of their fresh produce from bowen so storm wanted to show me all the farms she went to when she went with tim to do a pick up, we take a detour, and come across this sign - no work f*** off do not enter!! haha! tempted to actually drive in but the hicks probably have a shot gun at the ready for trespassers! :) i guess its nice to know, here in north queensland, we have such friendly folk... haha
but really! what on earth would make someone put such a sign out front of their house...? lost on that for certain.
a sweet little digression also to joumala falls ...

five weeks to the day of '10 week plan'. 73.2kgs. loss - 5.4kgs, another one bites the dust! :) but considering i had lost four of those in the first two weeks, egads! BUT still, leaves me with only 4.6kgs to go ... doesn't sound much, however, the body is certainly holding on tight to every single bit of that!
but whilst i have been mindful of food, i probably havent taken enough care. and maybe even bordering on too much exercise for too little food? which is what - surprisingly - makes me gain weight more than anything else! (i never really understand the concept of how that all works) well, atop of simple old age of course which does it's fair share of contributing to the fat belly. :D trying to get the right balance though for an old fart.

i have spent less time at the gym but doing more running this past week...

the start of a new week is always an unknown entity. start it right and it will take care of itself.

havent drawn a training plan up ~~yet~~ (still!)... but, it IS a priority on the 'to do' list ... problem being, to me, its just a tough 'to do', so it keeps getting shoved to the bottom of the pile and i do a myriad of procrastinating tasks to justify why it isnt done ... then, i just keep going out and training ad hoc. no rhyme. nor reason. nor focus.

however, i started the week....

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