why dont we 'hear'

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered " Nelson Mandela

i have had contact with a lovely couple from my past ... roslyn and jim. it is funny how much memory can come flooding back - all the help they gave me, all they tried to teach me. it is odd how, many people can teach us 'lessons' in life - but it isnt until we are personally ready that we actually 'hear' ... sometimes, it takes a journey of people telling you the same things before you listen ... THAT. was me. that. is me.

many moons ago - i was obese - i would turn up at work, grunt hello to people, because i feared talking to them and actually making a 'connection'. sit at my desk and - work. i would go home (via kentucky) sit down at my computer and - work. bed. then repeat the routine the next day.
one day, that routine was broken.
an angel - i am certain she was at the time - entered the workplace. she was simply beautiful, both in heart, and physically - for some reason, we connected in a way i wasnt able to connect with other people ... we were so far apart in life and lifestyles, in upbringing, eons apart in  life experiences, but she liked my work, took the time to talk with me, then, in turn and over a few months, took the time to get to know me .... at that time, she was the kindest person i had ever met.

eventually i left that workplace - and her and her husband, embraced me into their lives outside of where i worked... i would work on their website, i would go to their home and sort their music ... we would just chat, i didn't talk very much - i was quiet, but they, jim especially as roslyn often had clients there when i went ... but jim would talk about so many varied and interesting things ... their home, was a peaceful haven ... it still is... there was a sense of calm - i didnt need to talk to know that. it was a feel. i was safe. with safe people.
they still are there, helping others. teaching them about healthy food, healthy lifestyles. totally gracious and selfless

when i moved from the coast, i had no internet access for nearly three years - i lost contact, but not just with them, with everyone. part choice. a new life away from old contacts, and sometimes, it is easier to leave everything behind. that is the story of my life, gypsy like and perhaps explains why i have such itchy feet right now. but i tend to move on and break contact with those i know. i find it less painful - contact = missing others. no contact = life continues on in its new chapter. (dumb? perhaps, but for me it works.)
i was losing weight before i left of course. they did actually get to see me, not as i am now, but a little 'smaller'  ... roslyn and jim, tried to teach me about so much. but health, and food. the biggest things. i listened, of course i did. but i simply didnt 'hear'. and there is the BIG difference between listening and actually hearing; being ready or not ready; to do so. and i simply wasnt ready. losing weight. becoming healthy. it was all too difficult.
(not once, NOT even once, did they ever say i was fat or obese or overweight though. they accepted me as i was - thats a thought that has just occured to me)

when i moved to the whitsundays, i have been EXTREMELY fortunate to meet more beautiful women, with similar thought patterns ... two, in particular - michelle and kerrin - who i also somehow connected with when i arrived here, and who took me on board, and taught me 'the same things' but this time, i heard. obviously - i was *ready* .... actually, these two were are the strongest and most self confident women i have ever known, who are in my life on a daily basis. they take me to task on many things (often i am mad at that :D ), and are constantly pushing me forward. you cant, from life, ask for any better than that.

but back to story at hand. renewed contact, has made me question - myself. plus people generally. why dont we always take hold of positive lessons people teach us? i try to talk to people now, with the same or similar conversations. you know they show the appearance of listening, but arent 'hearing' ... you know they are never going to adopt any change. they want change. but they want easy, quick answers. not hard effort.
so then. when we (yes, all of us) do. when we choose and make that realisation we can have more postive and amazing lives. what makes us then, ready to change for the better? how many times do we actually have to hear the same teachings before we take them on board? why didnt i hear roslyn and jim, (and most likely many countless before them) but i heard kerrin and michelle?

i am so glad we have made contact again - just a little exchange at this stage but hopefully the relationship will grow, perhaps at a different level, as time goes by ... the major difference will be - this time - i wont only be listening - i will definitely HEAR. all that they have to share.

coincidentally - my life, has continued to parallel theirs, roslyn was the one who pointed that out to me. they now hold raw vegan workshops in their home. i have, over the past twelve months dabbled in raw veganism, well, ive done two 30 days lots of it ... i ALWAYS feel cleaner and healthier when i am eating that way so i arent sure what gets me back onto cooked food when i regress ... i have been vegetarian for close on three years - it works. well.
2011 is the year for turning completely raw vegan. my major food item to still let go is egg whites.

cheers - to 100% raw vegan. and a more healthy and wonderful year to come. and cheers to ALL the wonderful, positive, motivating and strong people, i am so fortunate to have in my life.

2 comments:

The Owl said...

just posted a long comment and it got lost because I wasn't logged in with wordpress... DAMN you wordpress and your annoying antiphishing

anelike said...

bummer owl, had it happen many times myself too. ive learned to notebook first :)
would have really loved your thoughts and take ...

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