why dont we 'hear'

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered " Nelson Mandela

i have had contact with a lovely couple from my past ... roslyn and jim. it is funny how much memory can come flooding back - all the help they gave me, all they tried to teach me. it is odd how, many people can teach us 'lessons' in life - but it isnt until we are personally ready that we actually 'hear' ... sometimes, it takes a journey of people telling you the same things before you listen ... THAT. was me. that. is me.

many moons ago - i was obese - i would turn up at work, grunt hello to people, because i feared talking to them and actually making a 'connection'. sit at my desk and - work. i would go home (via kentucky) sit down at my computer and - work. bed. then repeat the routine the next day.
one day, that routine was broken.

fitness fanatic?

what IS one, exactly?
fitness (fĭt'nĭs) n.
The state or condition of being physically sound and healthy, especially as the result of exercise and proper nutrition.
A state of general mental and physical well-being.
The state of being suitably adapted to an environment.
fanatic: [fuh-nat-ik] n.
a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal
fanatical: [fuh-nat-i-kuhl]
surpassing what is normal or accepted in enthusiasm for or belief in something; excessively or unusually dedicated or devoted

i have recently been referred to as being a 'fitness fanatic' - actually, to be honest, not the first time, however, i just felt this time it was used in such a negative way, like its a huge weakness in my character...
am i one? i have never considered myself as such ... 'extreme' 'excessively or unusually dedicated'? i personally, do did not think so.
i believe i now care about my health, greatly, yes. to ward off obesity the answer is simple: we should eat less and exercise more... when you have spent the majority of your life fat, grossly FAT - ok, let's call a spade a spade, grossly OBESE - then manage to successfully lose most of the weight, perhaps you are more prone to worry about it piling on again? i dont have any particular answer to that. just saying.

colour my world

a peek into my wardrobe discovers it filled with mostly gym clothes - hanger upon hanger - throw in a handful of singlets, some shorts, a couple of pairs of jeans and a couple of rarely worn dresses! thats it complete - i arent sure what this actually says about me - i dont have much of a life? :)
the shoe cupboard? i have three pairs of regular normal everyday shoes - yet, 17 pairs of joggers - all at varying stages of disrepair - trail running shoes, road running shoes, crosstraining shoes...
my gym gear -14 tops, 7 9 pairs of shorts. seems a lot. yet. what do i wear? the same three tops, rotating. the same two pairs of shorts - both of them, identical. shoes - i wear the same two pairs - one for when i run trails, one pair for when  i go to the gym. i do tons of barefoot stuff so at least this one is a little more comprehendable.

there is of course fat day gym gear - thats the stuff i wear regularly. versus the skinny day gym wear which will probably never see the light of day! :)

3650km in 365 days

from the cr forums
3650km in 365 days, a challenge for the "average" runner
I thought I would kick this off following on from Stacey Toby's 750km in 75 days thread. I admired her spunk and intent to choose a goal somewhere near the edge of her ability, put it out there on a public forum, and have a crack.
So in the same spirit, starting New Years Day and continuing throughout 2011, can you average 10km of running per day?
I know there are plenty of ultra nuts who could knock this out in the year, but it isn't intended for those of us who frequent the darkside. We have more than enough goals to motivate us to keep up our mileages, and it wouldn't be too much of a challenge for any ultra runner competing regularly.
Actually, I reckon if you run more than one event of 100km or longer in 2011, you are inelligible. Go find a bigger sandpit in which to play. This is more for the marathoners, half enthusiasts and fun runners.
So who is in?  Paul Every

towards a perfect 2011

“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” Colin Raye

so, i am currently lazing around at a friends and he has challenged me to come up with my goals for a 'picture perfect 2011' - what would i want from my year ahead? how do i wish it will have looked, once i am at its end ... taking time to think about 2010… what are some areas i would like to improve?  what are some things i wanted in 2010 that i wasn’t able to do or achieve?
it isnt something that is actually as easy as it sounds, when i look back at it, i had a really great 2010, overall - sure, i would definitely like to change my 'down days' to less, thats for certain, but hey, they ARE what make me 'me' - and i wouldnt change that. i like the person i am. i like the person i have become. and i am proud of all i have achieved under the circumstances of 'my life' ...

so - my 'picture perfect 2011'

how fast it goes

10 weeks results ...
there is 8.3kgs of less 'me', in ten weeks! have not had measurements since before going away but the total then was 18.7cm loss - so, i am satisifed with those two figures as my 'finalities' ... i guess i have no measure of my fitness levels as being improved or not though, other than, i do feel stronger - thats the downside of not doing it as a group nor of having a trainer - albeit not by choice.

the op(rah)era is over

she arrived, hopped out of the black car in her sunburnt orange dress. a larger woman than i expected - but simply majestic. there really is no other word. i admit it. a proud figure.
i wish, i had been a fan, for while it was great to be there, i didnt seem to have that buzz of others - but it was interesting to witness and be a part of. a social experiment of sorts.

carmen and i had a great night the night before. after the c2k and then spending a night with her catching up, that would have been enough. simply chance took me to an oprah finale of my time away.
so maybe i was simply too tired to take in the full atmosphere or excitement of it all... but. it WAS a show. definitely. very staged.

an experience beyond words

"On Saturday we left Ray resting in Jindabyne and Ann and I shared a trip up to the Summit. What a woman she is - so strong, so kind, so generous - just an awesome co-crewer." Sue
sue ... thank you, thats just so lovely for you to say. x
words cannot sum up our time there, nor that summit journey of ours, (well besides with the singular word freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing for the latter!) emotional for us i guess cos yes, we had expected to do the summit with ray in tow - but i am so glad we still got the chance to head to the top - we did it differently than expected, but i know ray was really pleased we went and had the opportunity to experience the top of australia...

occasionally in life there are events that happen, that are so overwhelmingly amazing, they can't be described succinctly ... i have arrived home finding myself in that position, how do you explain a c2k experience to someone who wasn't there? - how to put into words, all the magic of the experience ...
c2k was not what i expected. yet. everything i expected.
like with any ultra, the best of plans get left by the wayside and you find yourself having to improvise along the way, change tactics, remove preconceived ideas of how it will all pan out, and you learn to do some incredible things you would never have thought possible - quickly... when the race is not 'yours' but your role is to get a single runner to the finish line, it takes on a whole different scenario, a selflessness - that you take on with such gusto, you surprise even yourself the energy it takes, and that you find you have an abundance of. the focus is simply on making such a relentless feat as easy as possible for them.

a different way to run

well i cannot be more pleased ... :D

starting the same time as the gym challengers - so 7 weeks, 3 days ago - the final results are a little earlier than 8 weeks (hey every day counts!) ... however, as i am heading away this evening, michelle did my measurements this morning after bike
i have lost 6.6kg, and .... 18.7cms!!
w00t friggin w00t! i have struggled to reach a 10kg goal loss, though i still have another couple of weeks, my 'personal challenge' i set as 10 weeks long!!
whilst my alcohol intake leaves a lot to be desired recently, specially the past weekend :) eeek -  i HAVE worked hard for those current results! positive results, CAN only ever happen that way!

a self examination


there comes a time in your life
when you stop trying to escape
from your childhood

and you try to get back
what you had to give up
to make your escape.
Jonathan Harris

child abuse can take many forms. the result, of any though, is residual, into adulthood. that is a mute point. child abuse - action, behaviours or inaction by an adult towards a child or young person that harms or endangers the child's: physical, psychological or emotional health, development or wellbeing...