ive reached out, to as many people. as i can feel comfortable to try to reach. to ask. for help. ... but. they are all busy. what can they do, anyway? really? noone can change where my headspace is ...
and i know when i am like this, i am hard work. i bring people down. i know it. so i understand why they cant be there for me. in my negative way. ive got to get better. before they want to know me. before. life isnt too busy to spend time with me.
i really. dont know. what to do. or how to cope. i dont know. how do some people get help, how do some people have others help them if they are _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ? and some of us. cant.

i dont know, how to be the me, people want me to be. or. how to be the me, they think, i am.

i dont like where i am living. i dont think i do. i dont know. maybe its a good place. maybe if i sorted everything it wouldnt be so bad ....
i dont like, being alive. but i know i have to stay here. and that. just makes me sadder. as much for others. that touch my life. i know, if i were gone, things would be better for them. less problematic. cos i am eliminated from their list of \o/, dont know, list of what. i dont KNOW, what i am, that others, arent. i dont know, how you get someone to care about you.
i have a ton of people that say they are 'there for me'. where are they, when i need them? busy. cos its a busy life. of course.

i wish society. could embrace depression, as they would, if someone had cancer. .... i wish. someone. could just understand. \o/

* what can they do? sometimes, it just helps, being in the presence, of someone. anyone. and sometimes. just an acknowledgement .. that they are cared for. loved. needed.

no title

not doing so well .... depression so sucks the energy out of you - four weeks since i have moved, i still sit, surrounded by boxes, with their remnants spewing out their sides from when i search for things, ... i know i have to clear them all, empty them, put things way.
i need. to keep me safe.... i wish, i didnt want to :/

i hate. depression.