"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life; define yourself."
~Harvey Fierstein

understanding depression

everything. is miserable. im fake. hypocritical. i go out into the world and i have an appearance of...? everything i am not. and it's tiring. this week, has been the most tiring week in years. the last seven days, the worst since i have lived in the whitsundays.
people, can be ungrateful. you give everything you have, leaving nothing for yourself but a banged up body, and , really, for what? * they would have made it out * ?  i will remember those words the next time we are called out for a search and rescue, and the ungratefulness of people, who are simply. lost.
my body is just covered in bruises and bites. i dont think there is a single section in it i havent fallen on hard against a rock, and. thats part of what i love. i just hate,. that not a single person, has texted called phoned to see, how i am. shows. the amount of friends i have :/
emotionally. i havent coped with it at all. physically. bruises and bangs, will heal. im not. cut out for it obviously. so.

wakeup shakeup

de·fi·ance : noun [dih-fahy-uhns]
1. a daring or bold resistance to authority or to any opposing force.
2. open disregard; contempt
3. a challenge to meet in combat or in a contest.

been to combat, so i HAVE embraced the day ... woke with 15 minutes to dress and get there ... nothing like a combat wake n'shake to get the body moving!

now ... studying with soft wooly polka dot jammy pants, wooly dressing gown overtop, long wintry socks and beanie on, curtains closed to keep some warmth in  ...
egads!!!! something is wrong with this picture for a public holiday!

what, i want

oh. my. god.. yes! wish list.
"the freedom and sensation of barefoot running but the grip of an all conquering off trail shoe, incredibly light and responsive, the *baregripTM 200* delivers. uniquely the ZERO arrow shoc zone does not have a mid sole so all the natural power and speed of the foot is transferred directly through the shoe. the closest you can get to barefoot running in a harsh off road trail environment"

hey you

hey you, YOU!!
sheltered life girl

do you know how it feels
to be raped
when you're nine
again and again
day after day, night after night??

hey YOU
do you know what its like
when at seven
you're no longer
daddy's princess - cos daddy's dead


it hasn't. reached out. many directions. noone free. \o/

want to just curl up in bed and stay there.
maybe tomorrow, things improve. right? i so wish i could believe that. :(


i am full of nothingness
and i am unsure what is stopping me from being swallowed whole by my sadness... :(

the past few days, i have tried to reach out to many people. just to chat. to feel. not quite so empty feeling ... everyone is busy. it's the world we live in. a state of hectic busy'ness.

feeling friendless. feeling. very alone.

it has not been a good week. it's been draining. tiring. exhausting. it isnt improving.
tomorrow. i shall try again. reach out, and see - if anyone is free for the contact, i silently yearn :/