win win
today, was a good news day ....
had appt with specialist at the hospital, room and all this time! and, she checked me out thoroughly, top of head to tip of toe, inside and out ... and given me a 'you can train again' result .... :D
though i have been anyways, its nice having it official and approved.
had appt with specialist at the hospital, room and all this time! and, she checked me out thoroughly, top of head to tip of toe, inside and out ... and given me a 'you can train again' result .... :D
though i have been anyways, its nice having it official and approved.
oh my aching butt
coral beach was open today :) yay -
i am feeling very sore - not really fully sure why .... over the weekend i trained really well,
saturday ran at the great walk and kingfisher - 20k's ... beautiful as always, the area. was spose to run 22k so cut it short by 2 as my back really ached ( an excuse?) ... went to the gym and did a really good stretch afterwards and threw in just a couple of weights cos i was there. afternoon was heading out on the localvore tour so knew it was a lazy afternoon/evening ahead. felt a little muscle tired, but not really super sore or anything.
danger will robinson
coral beach STILL closed .... :/ so, did the stairs 14 times (OUCH) then came back to do mt rooper - twice - the first time, i got lost!!! hell i dont know how but ... well. it's me, it's possible apparently ...
countless times i have run it, both directions, it is, quite overgrown at the moment, only grasses though, all the cyclone damage has been cleared .. just long tickly grass, well, actually, probably some form of plant, not like green lawn - anyways, running, discovered myself thinking it was even more overgrown than last week, questioning, stopping, looking, no, im still on the trail, it is still ok - a few times ... then came across a landslide - well, that explained what was wrong ... there's been a landslide since last week!! way across the other side, i could just make out what i thought was the trail again, so, precariously, i made my way across, careful of every footfall, for it sure didnt look safe, and also thinking, i must call the council and let them know .... across the worst of it, the trail, still overgrown, i could (ha really?!) make it out!
i become a judas
*change the habit of thinking, visualising and talking unlucky *
spose that could also end with the word - negatively.
today, a bummed out day, not even any exercise, which is normally the cure, could lift me from my self imposed doldrums :( i dont know where they came from ...
ran to gym, walked most of it with a million conversations going on in my head of all i had to do and say, it sucked, did balance, it sucked, ran home without a word to anyone, left via the aerobics room door so noone saw me, it sucked.
worked, emails out to schools, tons of them. that part easy, a robotic task.. business card design. couldnt get anything looking good. sucked.
back to gym in the afternoon. only good thing of that was storm came too... which was good for her.
spose that could also end with the word - negatively.
today, a bummed out day, not even any exercise, which is normally the cure, could lift me from my self imposed doldrums :( i dont know where they came from ...
ran to gym, walked most of it with a million conversations going on in my head of all i had to do and say, it sucked, did balance, it sucked, ran home without a word to anyone, left via the aerobics room door so noone saw me, it sucked.
worked, emails out to schools, tons of them. that part easy, a robotic task.. business card design. couldnt get anything looking good. sucked.
back to gym in the afternoon. only good thing of that was storm came too... which was good for her.
hiding a body can be difficult
my horoscope says: "Don't leave anything to the last minute today - there are likely to be rewrites, detours and dramatic changes of direction that shock everyone and take them completely by surprise. Digital and electronic devices are unstable and communication is erratic."
thats hilarious - apt - i have just been and hidden a 'body' part way up mt rooper, we (SES) are 'searching' for it tonight, and what are we using? walkie talkies, and gps's (thats the goal if people turn up) - let's see how the communication goes then eh! and, cos i had to hide it later in the day, i left my training run till days end too, and when i went to run, the trail i was doing was closed, *danger* signs everywhere (what the!) so had to go do another instead, i like things planned ... ah yes, detours, dramatic changes... horoscopes. dont leave anything to the last minute. bit late, the advice.
so, my day?
thats hilarious - apt - i have just been and hidden a 'body' part way up mt rooper, we (SES) are 'searching' for it tonight, and what are we using? walkie talkies, and gps's (thats the goal if people turn up) - let's see how the communication goes then eh! and, cos i had to hide it later in the day, i left my training run till days end too, and when i went to run, the trail i was doing was closed, *danger* signs everywhere (what the!) so had to go do another instead, i like things planned ... ah yes, detours, dramatic changes... horoscopes. dont leave anything to the last minute. bit late, the advice.
so, my day?
proud of me
ok, i love my life right now - it is, finally, full of only the most wonderful people i can imagine - and for that i can but only be, the luckiest
i ran into people last night by chance as i headed for a late night dessert, that until i left work a couple months ago, i thought were friends - was surprised to discover, apparently not - but, that's life eh :)
it was a huge faceslap
for all that is happening, i have worked hard and i DO deserve the results - workwise and personal - and, the only people who touch my life with any influence, all have some sort of amazingly positive strengths that rub off and bring happiness to me
they, are the ones who count.... hopefully, i recipricate many blessings back to them too somehow ....
i dont need those who dont like 'the more confident me' - whatever their reasons - to create any negativity. i allowed last night to bum me momentarily, but pulled myself together quickly ....
i am, a new me. and i am proud, finally, of the person i am becoming, slow as the changes are. they have been decades of years in the making.
about time.
i ran into people last night by chance as i headed for a late night dessert, that until i left work a couple months ago, i thought were friends - was surprised to discover, apparently not - but, that's life eh :)
it was a huge faceslap
for all that is happening, i have worked hard and i DO deserve the results - workwise and personal - and, the only people who touch my life with any influence, all have some sort of amazingly positive strengths that rub off and bring happiness to me
they, are the ones who count.... hopefully, i recipricate many blessings back to them too somehow ....
i dont need those who dont like 'the more confident me' - whatever their reasons - to create any negativity. i allowed last night to bum me momentarily, but pulled myself together quickly ....
i am, a new me. and i am proud, finally, of the person i am becoming, slow as the changes are. they have been decades of years in the making.
about time.
gorgeous run
really really REALLY enjoyed running today, better than any trail i have run lately, and certainly better than 'anything road' :) i felt like i was home.
i am always astounded why there isnt tons of others wanting to get out there and feel the amazement and beauty of running on a trail too.
i did some stair training first out at shute harbour - 90 stairs, 10 times up and down, 1800 steps! - haven't done THAT in months! - by 7 and 8, legs were like jelly, was going to stop, superly glad i didnt - pushed myself hard for the last couple, so shows we ARE capable of more than we know - i AM capable of pushing myself more than i do... probably for most everything. when i finished and was stretching, it was a MIGHTY fine feeling - and by the time i got in the car to head to the trail beginning, they felt strong and ready to run again.
i am always astounded why there isnt tons of others wanting to get out there and feel the amazement and beauty of running on a trail too.
i did some stair training first out at shute harbour - 90 stairs, 10 times up and down, 1800 steps! - haven't done THAT in months! - by 7 and 8, legs were like jelly, was going to stop, superly glad i didnt - pushed myself hard for the last couple, so shows we ARE capable of more than we know - i AM capable of pushing myself more than i do... probably for most everything. when i finished and was stretching, it was a MIGHTY fine feeling - and by the time i got in the car to head to the trail beginning, they felt strong and ready to run again.
running starts again
yesterday - the iron shots, dr decided to go against what the pharmacist said, even after asking him specifically, but thats ok. and better. double dose every friday. and only three weeks to see how it goes! thats do'able. nurse was going to give it to me, then, because i was in with him, she had someone else with some hour long procedure arrive, so dr had to do it - he didnt want to :) ahhhhhhh the life of a dr - but he didnt have choice, so, butt - jabbed. energy - is on its way. fingers crossed, cos it friggin well HURT and still hurts!
so this evening, i headed off for my first 'run'
5km - the goal - w00t :D but it's a trial to see how i do
the day was good, i did no exercise in the morning at all, in fact, woke relatively late
so, fresh to run. goal, to the gym and return.
and, i did it!
i was so extremely happy - ok, it wasnt 'easy' and it was 'only 5k' but, i did it. a couple of hills, and a stop right near the end, i wish i hadnt stopped, but - it wasnt about dizziness or head spinning or anything to do with energy levels at all. i felt fantastic, i just couldnt get my lungs to get a good breath, and that was after a downhill, which makes it worse cos i was 'recovered' from the uphill slog, anyways, did it though, which was the important thing and was ECSTATIC! hopefully, improvement comes
so this evening, i headed off for my first 'run'
5km - the goal - w00t :D but it's a trial to see how i do
the day was good, i did no exercise in the morning at all, in fact, woke relatively late
so, fresh to run. goal, to the gym and return.
and, i did it!
i was so extremely happy - ok, it wasnt 'easy' and it was 'only 5k' but, i did it. a couple of hills, and a stop right near the end, i wish i hadnt stopped, but - it wasnt about dizziness or head spinning or anything to do with energy levels at all. i felt fantastic, i just couldnt get my lungs to get a good breath, and that was after a downhill, which makes it worse cos i was 'recovered' from the uphill slog, anyways, did it though, which was the important thing and was ECSTATIC! hopefully, improvement comes
becoming positive
well well, life changes quickly. lots of positives today. in fact. im going to try my very best to only write positives from now on.
started the day with balance class which is about the best way ANY day could start! while still not able to lay on my belly i did MUCH better than tuesday night. always nice doing a class with kerrin. actually had some laughs with her afterwards re some photos I have received. in a nice way. people are very gracious, and for a lot of them, in sending photos, they have touched a part of themselves which is important to them. so im trying to think of ways to include everyone. because, they have all been so supportive of me and generous in sharing
started the day with balance class which is about the best way ANY day could start! while still not able to lay on my belly i did MUCH better than tuesday night. always nice doing a class with kerrin. actually had some laughs with her afterwards re some photos I have received. in a nice way. people are very gracious, and for a lot of them, in sending photos, they have touched a part of themselves which is important to them. so im trying to think of ways to include everyone. because, they have all been so supportive of me and generous in sharing
day one to getting better
this picture is titled. ann runs. yet, i dont. such an oxymoron. but. one day, i will again!
today the doctor is letting me go to 'top my engine up' w00t w00t! so. the explanation.
yesterday, i was starting to get a little concerned at my lack of improvement. ok, concerned? or frustrated? maybe they overlap. i was tired of the pain, though i was dealing with that, it was worsening, but that may just be a mind/brain thing, and i wasnt strong enough, perhaps i had simply reached the end of tolerance .... and, gave up.the actual worse thing that can happen is i do black out. when that happens, i need to be laying. then my body will take over and restore itself to normal and i will be - good :)
boy. does ANY of that make sense? i doubt it. cos its all seemingly so opposite to what one would do if unwell. specially, how i have been feeling... specially, even, this from morn, till the afternoon. but well. im back. may i be THAT positive. overall. the project, was a success. yes. i did try pretty hard tonight. it may not have shown. i felt giddy. yes. there are moments i wasnt sure i could or should keep going. when i did, i punched harder, i lifted my knees higher. i tried to stay jumping. it - worked ! it, went past the dizzy feel, many times.
man. but the dr was right.
what a learning.
i felt at my worst driving home. would have been good if i could twitch my nose or something and magically be there.
and, i have felt pained tonight, but , mostly, cos of .........
foolish frolicing
today - i did - probably the stupidest thing, a human being could.
a lesson learned though - if a trail is marked as 'CLOSED' in big huge red writing, abide by it, it means, quite simply put - it is .... CLOSED!
i, arent so great at following routes, sometimes, with them even clearly marked in front of me, though to be fair, often 'trails' arent clearly seen ... that, is what causes someone to become, a misper.
today. i came close. i have never been more scared of being 'lost' than at any time - well, probably in my life. which is odd. for sometimes, i want to be simply 'lost' :)
today. i was. many times. the mind, becomes very confused and panics when we 'think' we are lost. for the most part, noone is EVER lost. we are always 'somewhere'. so if we could allow our brains to remain calm and collected, we could create a mind map of where we have been, and easily find ourselves back at where we started.
tbc
new year magic
so, after a failed attempt in 2009 at doing the great walk (a 27km trail run in the whitsundays) with a friend, the result simply from lack of communication and a complete misunderstanding, (i was waiting for her at 6am, she had already taken off at 5.30 and i hadnt known) but which prompted me to withdraw for 10 days and lingered in the background (to me) for a while despite sorting it out...
depression & running
depression is an insidious diseaseit grabs me, and drags me down to where i feel there is no hope
but, i go and run, or i go to the gym, and while active, and for about an hour afterwards, i escape its clutches and feel really really good, about myself, about life. - during those moments, its like im invincible and nothing can hurt me or wear me down, stress me, pressure me, nothing.
unfortunately, it doesnt last long after finishing so i sit and am back to figuring i am lazy/fat/ugly, boring, despicable, place any self denigrating word in there and i think it of myself ...
overcoming fear of injury
yin and yang, black and white shapes within a circle, representing *everything* - the continual movement of them both, an interaction of two energies
"yin" (black) dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting and weak
"yang" (white) bright, active, upward, hot, expanding and strong
yin to yang and yang to yin, causing everything to happen: just as things expand and contract, and temperature changes from hot to cold. positive and negative.
all of that is something ive believed for a very long time, for all areas of life.
exercise, any form of movement, is also, simply, yin and yang.
yin, focusing inwards, tai chi, yoga, pilates .... yang - focusing outward, increasing the heart rate, upping the intensity. both have their challenges. a combination of each are needed to give our bodies balance.
within it is the concept of everything happens for a reason right? and whats that to do with running?
i am scared to run trails again. thats the short story.
the longer story, is where i am at right now.
homeward bound
midnight 8 hours till i make the drive back to home.
my legs feel great, had a hard time going up and down steps on monday, today a trip into brisbane sure loosened the muscles up -odd because i never get sore during any training, and, i dont recall any soreness at all after the northface, however i was in a position then to have an ice cold bath straight after finishing, - this time i wasnt. i think that makes the difference.
my ankle, swollen, but i have an appointment at the doctors before i leave to get it freshly strapped and hopefully, the drive wont be too harsh on it and aggravate - wishful thinking? mayhaps. times like this an automatic would be kinda nice.
my legs feel great, had a hard time going up and down steps on monday, today a trip into brisbane sure loosened the muscles up -odd because i never get sore during any training, and, i dont recall any soreness at all after the northface, however i was in a position then to have an ice cold bath straight after finishing, - this time i wasnt. i think that makes the difference.
my ankle, swollen, but i have an appointment at the doctors before i leave to get it freshly strapped and hopefully, the drive wont be too harsh on it and aggravate - wishful thinking? mayhaps. times like this an automatic would be kinda nice.
glasshouse mountains
sometimes in life we do things some people will never understand - this weekend, for me, has been one of them.
for i am seen in my small community as *crazy* *silly* *odd* - in a nice way of course, but, people just dont get how wonderful it feels to run longer distances, to me, it doesnt matter whether an event (since ive only run two, this is good haha) im such a late starter, or out training on my own ... i dont understand why "everyone isnt out doing it."
so, this weekend, i got the opportunity to meet the most amazing and generous people - many whos entries and blogs i had read over the past year on cool runnings - and i have finally found a place i actually belong - alongside others who have the shared joy of challenging that beyond which we are capable of - testing out own boundaries and abilities - i entered into the glasshouse mountains 100miles.
none today
feelings this past few days ... i am always tired, lethargic, do i do too much? or is it simply not enough good nutrition for my bodies requirements
have not done anything at the gym since monday :( three days and i feel i am fat and lazy and just a pig, and
apathetic
depressed/suicidal ideations
i am really so tired of just wanting to die all the time. it takes all my energy and effort to rid the thoughts and i am simply, emotionally, drained.
dramatic? mayhaps. not in my eyes, my mind is tired and i miss my mum since, well, since new years day more than ever - damn me. damn life.
how can i think so dumbly?
have not done anything at the gym since monday :( three days and i feel i am fat and lazy and just a pig, and
apathetic
depressed/suicidal ideations
i am really so tired of just wanting to die all the time. it takes all my energy and effort to rid the thoughts and i am simply, emotionally, drained.
dramatic? mayhaps. not in my eyes, my mind is tired and i miss my mum since, well, since new years day more than ever - damn me. damn life.
how can i think so dumbly?
how do i fix things
here i am - good me, responsible, working ... but today i am having trouble even thinking, im not really doing very much work, which sure doesnt make me feel better, i hate not being productive too ... but my mind wont stop thinking, and im tired...
i feel so helpless on what to do to rectify everything ... there is nothing i CAN do :/ the year has begun, every bit of wonderfulness i was going to start it with, cant be given back, and, ... well, just nothing i can do, so why try ...
i didnt go to boot camp this morning :(
i dont want my mind anymore - i want to go home to bed, close my eyes, and fall asleep and never wake up
:( :( :(
i feel so helpless on what to do to rectify everything ... there is nothing i CAN do :/ the year has begun, every bit of wonderfulness i was going to start it with, cant be given back, and, ... well, just nothing i can do, so why try ...
i didnt go to boot camp this morning :(
i dont want my mind anymore - i want to go home to bed, close my eyes, and fall asleep and never wake up
:( :( :(
bleh
total calories 1491 - total used up from metabolism and exercise 3198 which leaves a deficit of -1707.
100km trail goal
have decided to do the 100kms trail race in the blue mountains in may 09. a goal.!
will need michelles help to do it. that means ive got to talk. regress. ive regressed. because of new years day!?? f*** me!
havent done enough exercise today, though, did do weights.... so hopefully thats 'ok' .. went to the gym AFTER pump had started, that way i didnt have to have a conversation with kerrin :( - its all still too raw to deal with .... i had such hopes ...
and, after pump and before balance, i went out for a short run, actually, went and did sprints in the park ... so,. between classes there was no chance of bumping into her, then, by the time that had finished , i had left cos i had to get home to get storm to work. i still cant beleive she just simply didnt turn up :( and i still cant believe she hasnt even answered the text and its like, to her, nothing is even wrong :( knowing people, sucks. - better, oh so much better, to just be on my own.
my shoulder is still sore. it cant be from darts cos until this afternoon when i did play some with tobias, i havent played for two days and it is still just as sore. i couldnt do bench press - only did half a set then stopped because it was too sore.
oh, and all that walking and trail running, and i only lost 400grams :/ that sucks. my weight is up 1.8kgs from when michelle last weighed me. how hard it is to know the right and wrong things to do, to eat more, to eat less, exercise more, exercise less. it is DAMN hard.
total calories 1491 - total used up from metabolism and exercise 3198 which leaves a deficit of -1707. not enough calories .. got to get back on track so my body isnt in 'starvation ' mode and michelle says i look 'bloated' when she sees me -- read. fat!! in other words.
will need michelles help to do it. that means ive got to talk. regress. ive regressed. because of new years day!?? f*** me!
havent done enough exercise today, though, did do weights.... so hopefully thats 'ok' .. went to the gym AFTER pump had started, that way i didnt have to have a conversation with kerrin :( - its all still too raw to deal with .... i had such hopes ...
and, after pump and before balance, i went out for a short run, actually, went and did sprints in the park ... so,. between classes there was no chance of bumping into her, then, by the time that had finished , i had left cos i had to get home to get storm to work. i still cant beleive she just simply didnt turn up :( and i still cant believe she hasnt even answered the text and its like, to her, nothing is even wrong :( knowing people, sucks. - better, oh so much better, to just be on my own.
my shoulder is still sore. it cant be from darts cos until this afternoon when i did play some with tobias, i havent played for two days and it is still just as sore. i couldnt do bench press - only did half a set then stopped because it was too sore.
oh, and all that walking and trail running, and i only lost 400grams :/ that sucks. my weight is up 1.8kgs from when michelle last weighed me. how hard it is to know the right and wrong things to do, to eat more, to eat less, exercise more, exercise less. it is DAMN hard.
total calories 1491 - total used up from metabolism and exercise 3198 which leaves a deficit of -1707. not enough calories .. got to get back on track so my body isnt in 'starvation ' mode and michelle says i look 'bloated' when she sees me -- read. fat!! in other words.
trail running fun
didnt go to combat, ... was worried in case michelle was back from holidays and i dont know what to say to her because i havent spoken for so long .. :/ damn my social lack
went instead for a walk i did up to honeyeater lookout - though quite steep inparts, ran quite a lot of it, but its fun running compared to road ... every step is precarious and its fun avoiding stones and all, the leaves, the wildlife, the sounds, .... so wonderful ...
have decided i love trail walking/running.... made an exercise goal for january - am going to walk (can run some but the goal is simply walking) 400kms throughout january ... as much as possible trail.
now THATS somewhere ive never been.
so thursday 1st january 30kms
friday 2nd january 12kms
saturday 3rd january 10kms - total 52 kms in 3 days.
did around 30 in the previous two days to that though, so just over 80kms in 5 days .... not a bad start, going to be hard once back at work to do large amounts though, but i will figure it all out.
total calories 1701 - total used up from metabolism and exercise 3296 which leaves a deficit of -1595.
went instead for a walk i did up to honeyeater lookout - though quite steep inparts, ran quite a lot of it, but its fun running compared to road ... every step is precarious and its fun avoiding stones and all, the leaves, the wildlife, the sounds, .... so wonderful ...
have decided i love trail walking/running.... made an exercise goal for january - am going to walk (can run some but the goal is simply walking) 400kms throughout january ... as much as possible trail.
now THATS somewhere ive never been.
so thursday 1st january 30kms
friday 2nd january 12kms
saturday 3rd january 10kms - total 52 kms in 3 days.
did around 30 in the previous two days to that though, so just over 80kms in 5 days .... not a bad start, going to be hard once back at work to do large amounts though, but i will figure it all out.
total calories 1701 - total used up from metabolism and exercise 3296 which leaves a deficit of -1595.
breakfast like a king
have had a HUGE breakfast - 462 calories, - added what i would normally have at dinner to see if eating more at days beginning makes a difference of any description - cottage cheese and the onion and garlic added in - its 10.11am, i am feeling SO F***ing FULL! and fat. and want to bring it up, but hey, am writing instead - i wish the feeling would go away though and i didnt have to fight it. it leads to a path of destructive thinking
feelings arent real. feelings arent real. feelings arent real.
feelings arent real. feelings arent real. feelings arent real.
new year, same me
the beginning of a new year, everyone makes resolutions ... does it make a difference?
new year thought/change number one. i am going to try and keep a regular record of food and exercise again so i can lose weight - it seems if i keep it recorded, i work better with it all ... ... takes 5 minutes at the end of the day, and journal quickly my thoughts and feelings of the day
the year began so disappointingly yet it had the potential of gold yesterday when i was approaching it ... i was so so SO happy .... ecstatically so ... long long story which takes in things that have happened over the previous months and so is a build up to get me to - yet again, disappointed. :/ i set myself up for it (albeit unknowingly) though. sad huh. hurt. disappointed and hurt, are they two such very different emotions? i have a lot of questions i ask myself.
depression... is an ugly illness ...
new year thought/change number one. i am going to try and keep a regular record of food and exercise again so i can lose weight - it seems if i keep it recorded, i work better with it all ... ... takes 5 minutes at the end of the day, and journal quickly my thoughts and feelings of the day
the year began so disappointingly yet it had the potential of gold yesterday when i was approaching it ... i was so so SO happy .... ecstatically so ... long long story which takes in things that have happened over the previous months and so is a build up to get me to - yet again, disappointed. :/ i set myself up for it (albeit unknowingly) though. sad huh. hurt. disappointed and hurt, are they two such very different emotions? i have a lot of questions i ask myself.
depression... is an ugly illness ...
keep on keeping on
i have decided to keep trying, a few days maybe i have left here at most, ... dont give up till the fat lady sings, isnt that what they say .... and i know should i leave badly again, i wont like myself for it ... i cant control someone elses feelings but i can at least try, so i know it wasnt me that gave up, ...i have sent text and email, saying i wont give up, and thats all i can do ...
so, yesterday was spent trying to pack, we finally got word we have the house we want ... this is its internet description ...
Private Hideaway
Summary: Peace and tranquility in your very own private paradise in the Whitsundays. This 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom cottage has magnificent 180 degree seaviews over Conway Beach. It has polished floorboards, is freshly painted, has open-plan living and an above ground pool. On large acreage with its own rainforest, there is a large native garden with maintenance included. Small dog or cat considered. Renting for $285 per week plus costs and available now. Inspections by appointment only.
the decision
although its been lurking in the background of my mind, and driving many crazy with my indecision to be able to do so adequately to satisfy them, last night, i made *the decision*
and it came so easily, - with the slamming of a friendship into nothingness, yet, lost so long ago, but hung onto like some clawed out mountainside waiting to avalanche... a sad way to end, and an unnecessary way, but i guess the other person involved saw no other answer ... just a wham bam thank you ma'am for the pleasure while you gave it but im bored with you now, friendship, slowly dissolving, boom, gone.
so, i now, pack myself and storm up, somehow, as quickly as possible and make the bold move away from everything as we have known it to be for the past five years and adventure out into that world of the unknown, full of excitement, nervousness
and it came so easily, - with the slamming of a friendship into nothingness, yet, lost so long ago, but hung onto like some clawed out mountainside waiting to avalanche... a sad way to end, and an unnecessary way, but i guess the other person involved saw no other answer ... just a wham bam thank you ma'am for the pleasure while you gave it but im bored with you now, friendship, slowly dissolving, boom, gone.
so, i now, pack myself and storm up, somehow, as quickly as possible and make the bold move away from everything as we have known it to be for the past five years and adventure out into that world of the unknown, full of excitement, nervousness
ann parrott
annabelle
