conversation with friend

him: how are you doing?
        me: hangin
        me: 2 weeks till my next race
        me: trying to be everything other people want me to be
him: ah, hard to be that and you at the same time
        me: uh huh
        me: i arent very 'me' at all
him: that could become 'you' if you're not careful

simple. concise. correct.

thats the person that knows me the best in this world. the one person i will always love most and, today is the first time i have chatted to him in a long time. it was like, being home. i felt... safe.

how can some people have such an affect on us and yet, we can be surrounded by so many people at times. and feel simply, 'alone'? ...

i want to be 'me' ... the real me, but ive lost sight on who that person actually even is. it's the person he used to know. the broken shell. he accepted me exactly as i was, no questions. he didn't care that i didn't talk. words were never needed. he didn't care i was fat. he understood the reasons. he knew every negative thing of my past and understood my upbringing... he knew every skeleton in my closet and still never judged me my wrongdoings. he never made me feel any less a human for my shortcomings or social inadequacies .... he never even cared i wasnt very beautiful.

he loved me, for all that i was, exactly as i was. no pretence.

i like that me. the 'quiet' me. human. real. i miss her.

most people only pretend to like you, and mostly... for what they can get from you :/

The human story does not always unfold like a mathematical calculation on the principle that two and two make four. Sometimes in life they make five or minus three; and sometimes the blackboard topples down in the middle of the sum and leaves the class in disorder and the pedagogue with a black eye.
~Winston Churchill


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