too much too soon

Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack. We give it orders which make no sense.
~ Henry Miller
thursday - day 12 - 74.7kg - WOW - yes! seventy four point seven!!
= loss of 3.9kilos ... 6.1 to goal. nearly half way...

exercise am 10k run  1pm plyometrics (an old one written up by michelle, and i did it hard core!!!) later pm combat felt awesome after the ply, and, felt really really strong doing it. in fact. not only strong. but clean, powerful in the jumps, nimble? is nimble a descriptive word of exercise? dunno.

but. ok. one kilo overnight? i think NOT!  i either :- ...
a/ ate way too little yesterday, which was the case as i ate hardly anything at mackay, and some fruit when i got home, or
b/ i must be a little dehydrated
for as much as i would love to have lost a kilo, and as happy as i am 3.9 in 12 days is pretty awesome, it's too quick. well, not too much too soon if i had been back at 120kilos! but. i wasnt.
so i will await tomorrow's weight. to see if it heads up a little bit, have eaten well today, well, tried to, im finding it difficult to actuallly be hungry, and it feels like the harder i work out, the less hungry i become ...
also have drank tons of water, and will continue to drink tons this evening to make sure the fluids are a good level inside me  ... if i'm a little heavier tomorrow, i wont be disappointed, i think today may be a false reading.

emotionally, felt simply nothing. which, is good. hard exercise, always helps. a few tough days ahead so need to just get through them, not be too harsh on myself and how i deal with them, and just try and stay on top of 'feelings' wherever possible and not spiral downwards...
cos 'feelings' are not real. and 'feelings' are transient ...
worked and got some book done, well, certainly more than the past couple of days... need to try and work harder tomorrow.
cleaned the place. not that its ever really dirty. but, did all the bits and kaboodles of housework to make it look like i care. because about that, i do.

dont know what else. too much 'what else' inside of me.
i wish i could stop being concerned about that which i have no control over ... stop trying to figure how to work things out or make things 'right'' - for there's no solutions

*prayers, love and peaceful thoughts for tanya and her family*


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