perfecting how to put a game face on

gameface (n) (idiom) : any facial expression that conceals emotion... there are several different approaches to achieve this state of deceit.
new frame of mindset this morning, - well, trying :)
what people think, is of no consequence - smile. laugh. carry on. what is actually 'real', doesn't matter. how you 'feel'. doesn't matter. deceit.

last week slackened on the whole weight loss thing, i overate, i ate mars bars (courtesy of the ses! so THEIR fault :P) and chocolate honeycomb - and - ice cream! and, i under exercised. did no running bar for a run from capers to home (hoping that may have been at least 500m haha) - i did on sunday though kinda sorta run to the gym if i could have called it that but had to contend with a drunken body sleeping in a gully as i ran past and getting the police's attention as they coincidentally shortly after drove past me, was going to phone them from the gym as i couldnt figure if he was actually breathing or not but was too afraid to poke and see...
the results from such a week? my weight fluctuated every day up a hundred down a couple up etc etc... to which end, i am the same weight yesterday for the weekly result, as last saturday. so, for four weeks, 4.4kg loss.
this morning. snap!!! DID - run to the gym, 35 minutes on the xtrainer - every minute lifting the difficulty up by two, until 18, then back down to 3 for a minute slow then building up again, then did pump class, then balance class, then (only) walked home. every muscle in my body aches. mark and vicki offered a lift but i knew, even if i didnt run, i had to walk. it rained. i LOVE that :) damn i felt good. then this afternoon ran into the great walk - not heavy rain but raining! muddy. didnt go to honeyeater but just went a little distance past the turn off to that. didnt even notice signs but maybe around 10k all up. which isnt bad ...

storm didnt have to be at work till 4 today so we went and got a video out and watched it ( DUMB - do not get it - uhmmm get me to the greek not my choice! i dont like dumbified comedies) but, was nice to just chill with her ...
when she headed off to work i got stuck into a couple of jobs i have ... plus did some work on the book. most i have done probably all week.

then, hmmm our fridge, freezes everything - well, its temperamental. it freezes things when it feels like it with no rhyme nor reason. i bought a pumpkin a couple days ago which. froze! when it unfreezes it would be a watery mush. soooo i cut up all the frozen bits and made, pumpkin soup :) enough for a couple days - egads - but chucked in some broccli, some onion, potato, garlic - very yummy

the days end. just waiting for storm to finish. she is incredibly excited as she got to do pass at capers tonight ... has only done it at cactus before, and for an apprentice, thats quite something! LOVE, when she is happy!

sticking to an active week this week, still havent planned it but will. i do much better when i just have to tick the boxes .. and it has been a couple months since i have had anything written and specific! (man im a friggin broken record on that, and i STILL never write it up!)

i don’t feel perfect at all
sad and insecure flaw....
i find it hard to hold conversations
i get sweaty sick and i wanna walk away
its not you, its strictly me in this situation
but, i’m wondering will it ever go away. - blue october


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