\o/ care

saturday 4 september 2010. around 8.30am. the most AMAZING moment of my life.
i did ONE GOOD thing in my life - i helped save a life
tuesday 7 september 2010. around 11.30am. yet another disappointing moment of my life.
i am not wanted, once again... and tossed on the too hard pile, by the one, i REALLY thought would never give up ... - bad luck i am human :/ *on your side forever* - forever doesnt last very long ...

up, then down. always... i was SO happy saturday morning ...

today, there was no opportunity to explain really, for, i never had the words. certainly not the right ones. but nor, was it my choice. i understand people need to protect themselves from me. it was unexpected, yet, not unexpected.

i have cried so much the past few days, there are no tears anymore. i have just spent the afternoon in bed, laying there, numb. trying to think of all that was said... replay rejection.
life is too hard. i dont have answers. but yet no tears would come.

when will someone understand us? us? - US? when will i get to meet someone like me ....? i cant be the only one who feels like i do, or is as horrible a person as me to others ... i do NOT like, that i am not nice ...

i have no energy to work.
i have no energy to exercise.
i have no energy to eat.
i have no energy to think.
i struggle to breathe.

but the one that frightens me the most.
i have no energy to care. :(

i want something, to make me care.

"i wanted to tell someone today what i did
share there was goodness in me
but then i remembered
there was noone to listen" ........................... me. 04/09/10


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