and now ... the afternoon, everything changed again ... and i was SO happy, and just wanted to share that happiness with someone .... god i am just friggin stupid for attempting to, and asking

please god i dont know why i asked... desperation for a human that i care about, to share the best thing i have ever done in my life .... ? \o/ the ONE good thing
i dont expect it to negate the bad i have done ... but i hope, it helped a little ... oh i so wanted to tell someone i AM a good person when i can actually see it for the first time,,, .... just a half an hour of theirs ... - i dont know what i was thinking to imagine they would say yes... but im sick to my stomach that i asked, and i hope one day they forgive me for doing so.... i was wrong.
but please somehow make everything be ok - i hate that people have to know me.... they didnt ask for that intrusion or that burden upon their lives .... :( please help give me strength to get out -

i think, my finger slipped off, the bottom rung :(


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