understanding depression

everything. is miserable. im fake. hypocritical. i go out into the world and i have an appearance of...? everything i am not. and it's tiring. this week, has been the most tiring week in years. the last seven days, the worst since i have lived in the whitsundays.
people, can be ungrateful. you give everything you have, leaving nothing for yourself but a banged up body, and , really, for what? * they would have made it out * ?  i will remember those words the next time we are called out for a search and rescue, and the ungratefulness of people, who are simply. lost.
my body is just covered in bruises and bites. i dont think there is a single section in it i havent fallen on hard against a rock, and. thats part of what i love. i just hate,. that not a single person, has texted called phoned to see, how i am. shows. the amount of friends i have :/
emotionally. i havent coped with it at all. physically. bruises and bangs, will heal. im not. cut out for it obviously. so.