wakeup shakeup

de·fi·ance : noun [dih-fahy-uhns]
1. a daring or bold resistance to authority or to any opposing force.
2. open disregard; contempt
3. a challenge to meet in combat or in a contest.

been to combat, so i HAVE embraced the day ... woke with 15 minutes to dress and get there ... nothing like a combat wake n'shake to get the body moving!

now ... studying with soft wooly polka dot jammy pants, wooly dressing gown overtop, long wintry socks and beanie on, curtains closed to keep some warmth in  ...
egads!!!! something is wrong with this picture for a public holiday!

a headache developing. but. trying. to stay focused. NEED. to turn this week around from last week. and make it more productive, more positive. more. sux-cessful.


for today. the focus is on study. and getting as much done as i am capable of.
no focus on people. they let you down.
no focus on what the dr says i can or cant do. what do they know?
defiance? for years i have been told similar stories, similar scenarios of what i should or shouldnt be doing, of what they feel my body is physically capable of doing .. ... and have still kept doing it all regardless. plus more. if i had listened to them then, if i listen to them now, i would/will be 150kilos - sitting on a couch munching on potato chips and guzzling beer.
i cant run? i cant do weight bearing exercise? i cant DO COMBAT OR STEP!!!! so. what do i do instead? what the HELL, am i supposed to do? sit and mould myself chair shaped or something? grow fat, lazy, lethargic? gee, there is a great alternative.
for heavens sake. i allowed to much to consume me last week. this week. NO.
while i can sit up, i shall walk. while i can walk, i shall run. while i can run i will do all the hell i CAN do! all. i am physically capable of. all. that my body allows me to do. and. if the time comes. where i cant no more. it isnt because of what i do now. it is. simply because. thats when my body, is no longer capable of more.

there. is my conclusion. and this week. because of that decision. shall be a MUCH better week than i allowed last week to be.


....at least. i hope :/